Voicemail

[samsa]

Hello! I'm not around at the moment, but if you leave a message I'll get back to you!

[Beep!]

Comments

[preybeforemeals]

Yes, you did. I had been told in advance that that much would probably happen, so it wasn't terribly jarring, but it was strange.

I met up with you near that lake that's up by Mahogany Town.

[samsa]

I see...I wonder how common it is for people who showed up during one of those weekends to end up coming back afterwards and actually...staying.

[preybeforemeals]

I actually don't know, and it's a bit difficult to say without polling the network directly.

[...]

For reference and peace of mind, I'm not saying this to you with the intention of...I don't know, implying that I would prefer it if you'd come to us as you were that weekend, as opposed to how you are now. You know that, n'est-ce pas?

[samsa]

Yeah, I do. I guess it's just...strange to think about, that's all. I wouldn't even think that sort of thing would be possible before I came here.

And it's not as if that person you talked to that weekend wasn't still me. It was just me from a different time.

[preybeforemeals]

I know, Kaneki-kun.

[And there's a pause, for a moment, before another text comes through.]

I'm glad that you're here, you know.

[samsa]

[There actually isn't any hesitation this time when he responds.]

I know. ...I'm glad I am, too.

[...]

...are you glad to be here, Tsukiyama-san?

[preybeforemeals]

[While there may have been no hesitation on Kaneki's end, there is when it comes to forming a reply.]

...I don't know.

[samsa]

[And to that...he doesn't have an immediate response, either, so he just lets it hang for a little bit while he tries to think of what to say.]

That's okay, I think. There is a lot to like about this place, but there is so much we really don't know about it. Even reading up on everything I can find doesn't help...it still feels like you've barely scratched the surface. It doesn't help when people who have been here for years don't know much more than we do, either.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that...there's nothing wrong with...not being okay with it. Nobody asked to be here...even if it's better than what they had before.

[preybeforemeals]

[And there's another pause once that's out there; it's difficult to really say what he wants without preaching to the choir, but in the end...well, so be it.]

I don't like being human.

I understand that there's no danger here, not like there is back home, and if anything humans are better-suited for survival in this world. But it's something that I'm always aware of - that there's something entirely different about me now, and even if other people can't tell it feels like maybe they can if they look hard enough. The way I think is different, I do things that I'm aware are incredibly...inhuman, for lack of a better phrase, and it's not something I can help but it's something that others won't really understand even if I were to try to explain it to them.

Everything else is fine, really. I like this world in general, and I've enjoyed the experiences I've had here. Objectively, it's better than Tokyo, I'm well aware of that much. But I can't stand being human.

You have my apologies for speaking so freely about something I know you appreciate so much, but I can't stand it.

[samsa]

[For a moment, he ponders over whether or not he should...send what he has written, here. But at the same time, he wouldn't have typed it if he didn't mean it, right?]

You don't have to apologize. I feel the same way back home, you know. Just...the opposite. And I'm not sure if it's something I'll ever really get used to.

[He's certain his own circumstances have an influence over how much he wants to stay here. There's no denying that.

But it's like trying to apologize for something that's in your nature. It just doesn't work.]

...I still mean what I said, too. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way. Like you said, it's nothing you can help.

[preybeforemeals]

I appreciate it, Kaneki-kun. I've just had a difficult week, it'll be fine eventually.

What are you planning on doing now, through curiosity? Seeing more of the region, staying in Ecruteak, moving back toward Goldenrod...?

[samsa]

I'm not sure yet, actually. I think I'll stay in Ecruteak for a week or two, at least. I wanted to see what this town was like anyway. I'll have to think about what to do after that, but I'm thinking I'll probably go back to Goldenrod.

[At least until he can actually fly on the flying bird that he has that he is currently not capable of riding due to this world's weird badge > psychics logic.]

[preybeforemeals]

I'm probably going to return to Goldenrod myself eventually; I don't find myself in a hurry to do so immediately, however, so it seems we're alike in that way.

Naki shouldn't pose any problems for you, whenever you do return; he's in Olivine with me for the time being.

[samsa]

Alright. I was actually thinking about maybe going the opposite direction, if I head back to Goldenrod after Ecruteak. You know, toward Azalea Town. It sounds like those earlier routes might be a little easier to travel on.

[preybeforemeals]

[And something in that...doesn't really strike him very well, and he isn't entirely sure why, but it's going to annoy him until he works it out. So he's just...going to be over there deliberating on the side, don't mind him.]

I see... I haven't been back that way myself, really, not since coming here, even though I probably should - I don't have all the badges yet, after all.

[samsa]

That's probably a good idea. I think, if I try to get any badges at all, I'll try to get the one from Violet City so I can actually fly on Lee.

[...which is easier said than done, because he honestly doesn't know if he'll even want to try actually flying on something but you know what he'll worry about that when the time comes.]

[preybeforemeals]

Are you considering not trying for any of them?

[samsa]

I...don't know yet. They seem like they would be pretty difficult, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

[preybeforemeals]

...When did you start blatantly refusing to do things because it might possibly be difficult, exactly?

[samsa]

[That...causes him to pause.]

...what?

I'm not...blatantly refusing, I just don't know if I want to challenge them all or not.

[preybeforemeals]

Perhaps. Just the same, I'm wondering when you started deciding that it would be for the best to do things because it "seems easier," because it's been a frequent line of consideration for some time, at least as far as you've discussed things with me.

[samsa]

...you mean like with this, or traveling? ...or something else?

[preybeforemeals]

Generally speaking.

There's self-deprecation and there's not doing things to defeat that which causes it; I'm unfortunately familiar with how much you do the former, it's the latter that concerns me.

[samsa]

I don't know. I hadn't noticed.

[There's a pause before he sends anything else, a bit lengthier than the rest have been.]

Things have been really good here, so far. A lot better than I'd been used to. But sometimes it feels like maybe it's all too good to be true.

I guess I just don't want to do anything that might mess that up.

[He's got something of a track record for messing things up, or making bad decisions that ultimately mess things up.]

[preybeforemeals]

...I see.

[And he doesn't, not really.]

If the local criminal organization hasn't found a way to utterly break the world yet, somehow I doubt we're going to.